Writer's Block.

For the past few days I've opened up my computer every morning, like usual. I've made a smoothie or light snack for breakfast and plopped down on the kitchen chair in front of the table, like usual. Played with Jace and checked email and Facebook throughout the day, like usual. Then sat in front of the computer after the little one is tucked-in and just stared. Not so usual.

Even though I have a short list of items waiting to have their review written and posted, a longer list of potential reviews that need company-contacting, and a still longer outline of things I'd like to change about my blog, I can't seem to bring myself to write. About anything.

Writer's Block...heh
Frustrating as it is, having this "writer's block" has given me a much-needed break from computer life. (Though I am still checking it daily, I no longer sit in front of it feeling like a waste of perfectly good day.) It's given me time to think. Think about what direction I see my life going in. What interests and keeps me happy. Last but not least, why I can't won't write anything. After digging, I believe I've found part of the problem. Anxiety. I have loads of it. Not just about writing, but I've noticed that when I sit down with the intention of writing it flares up a good deal. I get nervous. My thoughts (which were previously planned out and had the whole article/post/review schemed already) become crazy-jumbled and unfocused. And, I feel, that it shows in my writings. When I reread things I have posted in the not-so-distant past, I honestly can't find one really good passage or part that I enjoyed reading.

Then the guilt kicks in. Ah, that wonderful feeling of disappointment when you feel like you've let someone down. Why, if I don't like anything that's been written, would anyone else want to read it? These companies that have contracted with me to review their products have high expectations, and I feel like I am simply not meeting them. I somehow need to get back to that creative "space" and let the juices flow, so to speak.

I know that I'm not alone in these feelings, as I'm sure that many'a blogger have been in the same thought position of inadequacy. My hope is that by forcing myself to dry-heave these feelings on here and into public view I can get back to writing regularly, and improve on it some, even.

My solution? Suck it up. Followers means that someone is reading your crap, even when it really is just that. Crap. So keep chugging-on with the hopes that it will get better, and remember to breathe. After all, it's just a blog. My blog, but still just another blog in the Internet-sea.

~Sam